- SRoeschlein

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Leipzig was the next destination for us. We had played at the same venue on the last tour there. The venue, Coney Island, doubles up as a skate park, and maybe some other stuff as well. Its pretty interesting from an outsiders perspective, but the hidden issues can and were a drag for us. See, the last time at the venue Joey had serious power issues with his gear.

We somehow managed to get through the set, well, as far as I can remember. But this time, Bobby and I were hit with problems. The power was reading pretty low on the meter that Joey had for his gear. It seemed that the building didn’t have its power evenly distributed so whatever outlets Bobby and I were using were getting the shit end of the deal. It all started with one of my Line 6 pedals, where it would not turn on at all. I started freaking out being that it’s a pretty prominent pedal that I use for my sound. Then shortly after a lot of trouble shooting, my other Line 6 went out. I use two and double up on a lot of the effects or mix them up creating other sounds, and with one, I could pull through the set for the night, but with none, I was screwed.

We had Robin run and purchase four C batteries to see if it was the power supply that was not working, but that failed. Then we switched things around, swapped out parts, cables, pedals, guitars, etc. nothing was making sense and nothing was working. Then the crazy shit started. One of Bobby’s Line 6 pedals stopped working. Robin then got us twelve more c batteries to try to power all of the Line 6 pedals without using the venues power. But none were working. The fear of having to purchase one, two, and three, new Line 6 pedals on tour is a huge drag.

See, in the states there is the Guitar Centers Return Policy witch allows you a good chunk of time to take out the inner working parts of the pedal and swapping them with the old broken ones, allowing you to return the pedal for a full refund. For us, it’s the only way to pull off what we do and with the gear that we need. Not here in Euroland. With all of the equipment mind fucking that went on, at some point we managed to figure out that we burned out the batteries somehow, but found another source of power that allowed us to run everything with the use of an extension chord. We were all a bit baffled but managed to get on with our set. The crowd was not responsive. At points between songs, there was dead silence. I’m a huge fan of that awkwardness but it is also a tad bit confusing, trying to judge the crowd and see if they are enjoying themselves or not. The set ended and we broke down the gear.

The highlight of the show was for Robin, who was selling merch just after the set was over, in uniform. Some girl came up to her and asked if she wanted to “sign her titties.” Robin passed on the request, which was a bad idea in my opinion. The irony and ridiculousness in that would have been amazing. We grabbed our personal belongings and headed to the band apartment that the venue had for us. It was a bit grim but after I moved the mattress to the floor off of the spring frame that it was on, I passed out right away. In the morning we woke up and went back to the venue to load. My first attempt at taking gear to the van was a bad one. I had my head in its case, which rolls and my pedal board on top. As I went down the ramp that led to the stage the gear took over and I slid down hitting the wall. At first I didn’t notice anything, but moments later it set in. I could not bend over, I could not lift anything, and I could not laugh. Something was wrong and really bad with my back. Probably the worst back pain I have ever had. Of course there was nothing that I cold do. We loaded, ate some strange food and took off.

On the drive to Marburg, I passed out multiple times. I could not stay awake so the four-hour drive went by fast. When we arrived at the next city, I was still in great pain. I could not avoid the pain no matter how I sat, leaned, laid, etc. We got to the venue and loaded in. I was grateful that the others did most of the work and I really appreciated the others helping me out. I did what I could though. I put up the banner, moved dead cases, etc. I soon discovered at sound check that I could not sing. I guess with expanding my lungs and using my gut to sing was not working with my back issues. However, all of Bobby and my pedals worked fine. I did what I could and after sound check was over, I took a short walk around the city for a few, trying to get a little exercise and fresh air. While I was gone, Jeroen removed some of the graffiti that we got in Oslo since we had to meet up with the van rental guy and pay him. So we wanted to present the van is a better light, than it was in. The broken clutch that was held together with a butter knife and duct tape was bad enough. After a short amount of time exploring the city I headed back to the venue. I met this guy outside of the venue who liked to talk. He was this Scottish cat who told stories of how he knows all these musicians and some other random shit that I didn't really pay that much attention to.

Mark Hunter was his name. He asked what type of music I played and I didn’t have an answer for him. I guess that impressed him enough to ask me to put him on the guest list and come back later to see the show. The show was soon on its way, the turn out was not as good as expected but the crowd seemed really cool. There were a few of the weird-o freaks up front dancing their asses off which is always great to see. I have to say that these two band shows are great. They start and are over before you know it. So of course the show was over and as I headed off stage I was stopped by this girl, one of the mega dancers who had some demands to us, but were in German.

I said in English, that I had no idea what she was saying and she then demanded in English that we play another song. But Joey and Gabe had already made their way to the backstage which was through the crowd and downstairs. I just said that we don’t know any other songs and bolted through the crowd. I felt that my response was a bit rude but it was odd to be literally stopped and have someone demand that we play longer as half of the band was gone and I wanted to just sit down or lay down to eliminate some of the pain that I was experiencing from my back. The set really put it into full effect. Mark Hunter made his way into the backstage and started talking about our set and then immediately told us about the seven kids he has all over the world, in Greece, India, and Germany. I sort of tuned it out and went outside to call Rocky and my mom back in San Diego.

After the audience started to disperse I went back in to the backstage room where Gabe was being hassled by Mark. I felt bad, but I knew that Gabe could shake him if he needed. I just knew that I had to lie down and try to rid of some of the back pain that I was having. I lay down and feel asleep for a few seconds then realized that I had to load the gear upstairs. So I headed upstairs and we loaded up.

Shortly after, we were at the hotel. It was pretty nice and a great treat after the stint of squats and band apartments that we had been running into. I showered, took a pill that Gabe had to relax my muscles and passed out. Apparently I snored and I know that I talked in my sleep since I woke myself up by talking. I was a mess in the morning as per usual but more so than ever due to my back being in such pain. I also woke up with some bullshit song off Gabe’s mega mix CD. Shortly after we left the hotel and headed out of town to meet the van rental guy and his mechanic to fix the clutch.

We eventually arrived at the mechanic. He and the van rental guy decided to not use lube and gave it to us good. It’s not as bad paying outlandish amounts of money when it’s the Euro, as it seems like fake currency. But in the end of the day, uh, it’s bad.

Hours later we were on our way to Stuttgart. We loaded in and got set up for sound check. The venue was a place that I noticed from the last time I was in this city. It’s in this sort of quad area among shopping malls, and typical euro trash consumerism. Gabe went wondering when we were supposed to be getting on the way with sound check and came back with this story of how he was walking down some stairs to the quad area and there were some chumps doing coke, in daylight, and in public. You know, the cats with too much cologne, gel, and testosterone. After sound check we departed and headed down the street for dinner at this superior falafel joint. Hit that shit hard and made way back to the venue. We altered the backstage area into one of the most bitchen’ rooms ever.

There was a wall of lights that lit up due to sound activation from this amazing sound system that was set up. The rest of the walls were wallpapered with grip tape so the disco balls on the ceiling illuminated everything. I wanted to turn the backstage into a private party, and sell the booze that we had there and have us all DJ the odd crap that we have in our digital music collection. Plus Gabe had been working on adding double kick to a lot of tunes such as The Beatles, Duran Duran, and the Benny Hill theme song. The show started and we eventually took the stage. Everything seemed in sync and the set went great. Saw some familiar faces in the crowd and everyone seemed to enjoy him or herself. The club was tiny and packed so there was little room to move. Just after the set was over, I felt my back being a lil’ bitch again. The pains were shooting and there was nothing I could do. But I announced on the mic just as the music stopped and that there was a double bass dance party in the backstage room. We quickly changed but I left the room and went upstairs to help Robin do merch so she could change out of her uniform. I was relieved and sat outside for a few trying to let my back adjust until some woman kicked me out of the seating area that I was sitting in that happened to be the restaurant next door.

I walked downstairs and when I got to the backstage room, I soon noticed that it was full of people. However there was no dancing, only a couple of Fraggles and the Aux Raus guys. I started handing out beers to people and moments later we were instructed to stop the party and have everyone leave. So the potential vibe was killed and “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night” with double bass was turned off.

We then took over the area where we played and I DJ’ed a few other killer tunes and shortly after the night was coming to an end. We got our personal belongings and split to the hotel, which was called Mos Eisley appropriately named after the cantina in Star Wars. The hotel portion was located just above the bar. On the way to the hotel nicknames were given out to everyone in the van. Well there was an attempt to give out nicknames. Gabe started of with “Turbo”, for some reason. It sounds cool but we all wanted to know the relevance to the name. See, I was given “Snacks,” as I’m always eating snacks, and pretty much always down to eat. Bobby, got “Socks” which I suppose is due to either his foot fetish that was part of his past endeavors, or maybe from the socks that he use to collect on tour before he started collecting magnets. Joey got all sorts of names thrown his way.

Maybe related to his ethnicity. “Sandy” was my favorite. I think something to do with his farts would be suffice but that didn’t come up. Robin was forcefully given “Titties” which could be due to the woman a few nights asking her to sign her “titties”, or maybe the obvious fact that she has breasts. Joey stepped in and wanted that nickname for some reason. Things got a tad bit confusing as to what the meaning of the names were and things started to go downhill. Jeroen had already been given “Crazy J” or “CJ” for short. Then there is Mike who has so many damn nicknames he was even given the nickname “Nickname”. I was suggesting Ferrari due to his mustache. “Tom” was good too as he has been called Tom Selleck quite a few times on the tour. But when we arrived at the hotel, we soon forgot about the name assignment. I went up to one of the rooms and plopped on the bed. Robin punched me in the back a few times trying to help me out with my back pain, I took another pill that Gabe got from Otto a while back and passed out right away.

I woke up a little while later as Robin was making fun of me for snoring. Oh well, I can’t help it; second hand smoke does that to me. I was so congested. But it didn’t matter, I feel asleep again and that was it for me.

The following morning Robin and I woke up before everyone and searched for a wireless Internet connection, as it’s been scarce for quite some time. We located the embassy. That is what Wes from Some Girls would call Starbucks when overseas. They offered some bullshit T-Mobile wireless service that not only do you have to pay to have that service on your phone in the states but also you have to pay an additional fee where we were. So we sucked it up and got to work. I had to do a grip of Three One G work getting ready for the Geronimo CD release, as well as write to my mom, Allysia, pay some bills, etc. So I crammed in as much as I could in the little amount of time that I was allotted. Of course there was not enough time to get what needed to be done, but at least I made some progress. We had to get back to the hotel and then go to the venue to load up the gear.

Breakfast was served at the hotel and as per usual, there were breads, cheese, eggs, and other items of consumption that I could not and would not touch. We soon headed to the van and then drove around the city for about an hour trying to find the venue. With all of the one-way streets and confusing as hell city planning, we were all stumped. However ,with a lot of frustration, some driving down one-way streets as well as on sidewalks through shopping areas, we found the damn place. Just in time for the rain to start to fall. We loaded, I ran across the street for some falafel and we were off to get drumheads and leave the confusing ass city.

Gabe got bummed as he forked out a grip of cash for heads. Unfortunately there are no heads manufactured in Europe so he has to pay almost double what he would pay in the states. Such a drag, and that is why I purchase ample amounts of strings before I go overseas. Me met a cool fluffy dog outside the store, took some pics with it as it shook hands with us and we were off to some other German city.

Wiesbaden Germany. The venue we were playing at was odd. The grounds were next to a train depot of some sort. One of the trains looked like a bullet. There was a structure and I could not figure out what it was. Maybe some sort of tower. When we started loading in I noticed a strange smell. Eventually I put my finger on it and realized that the smell was the smell of horses or cattle. I later found out that the venue was a slaughterhouse at some point. We set up for sound check and it was awful. Hands down, it sounded like shit. The ceiling had these round pockets and was made of old cement. Mike did what he could to save it and we called it.

Soon after we ate dinner at the venue. It was a pleasant surprise. It appeared that the cook put effort into it. Not just the typical pasta or tour slop that you get here night after night. This was stuffed peppers with rice and salad. It was a nice treat for once. I ended up spending most of my time on the Internet as we finally had access to it and tried to crank out as much work as I could. There is a lot going on, Three One G related. So I did that up till the second that we had to play. Not exciting at all, but it had to be done. The rest of the bunch dicked around on the Internet or played foosball. There was a third band on this bill, which was not the norm with the last few shows where it was just Aux Raus and The Locust.

The opening band actually saved my ass by having a bass player. Fifth song into the set my bass called it quits. The batter died and the only way for me to change it was to remove the pick guard, which would take way too long. So the bass player of the opening band handed me his bass. It was a bit awkward as it always is to just play some random bass but the biggest issue that I was facing was that it was tuned to C and when I tuned it back up to E the action was so high on it that you could almost fit your pinky finger in between the fret board and string. But I did what I had to do. It was rough at time and when I played up high on the neck, it only got rougher.

The audience was great and had a lot of energy. Despite the technical difficulties the show was fun to play. Gabe and Joey got into a little tiff just after we were done so I managed to just leave the room and ignore it. My back was still shot and I wanted to just sit down for a few minutes. I decided to take the time sitting there to look at my bass and fix it. I got a battery from Bobby and proceeded to fix the problem. As I took off the pick guard I managed to stab my thumb pretty bad with a screwdriver. Some blood squirted out and made a little mess. I got toilet paper, wrapped it up and finished my bass. I then cleaned my finger up burning the crap out of it with Dr. Bronner’s peppermint soap, got some Band-Aids and then went on stage to see if I fixed the problem. I plugged in and that nice familiar low-end tone came back full force. The crowd had left and we hung around for a little while. I jumped on the Internet for a few more just before we loaded and left for the hotel. Had to wrap up some loose ends, get through irritating emails and try to pay some bills on line. We left the venue and hit the hotel shortly after. It was a nice Best Western and a wonderful thing compared to the band apartments and squats that Germany was offering so far. I showered, tried to get my thumb to stop bleeding and fell asleep.

As all mornings seem to be on tour, I woke up wishing I had an hour or two more to sleep. I roll out and get ready to split. I usually only have a few minutes but on this tour I’m a bit high maintenance. I have to get a mirror to apply some cream to the main spot on my head from alopecia. All the while dealing with severe back problems and now a swollen and bloody thumb. We roll out of the hotel and off to a supposed vegetarian restaurant. We drive quite some ways out into the boonies and stumble upon this place that is in fact not vegetarian at all. So we pile back in, now running late to arrive in the next city for our scheduled sound check and head back to the venue where we have hopes to eat at the restaurant that is located next to where we played.

We get there and eat some makeshift meals. Well at least Bobby’s and mine were as we are the ones with difficult diets due to allergies. The bulk of the employees there all look like skinheads and one of the waitresses has this look that I noticed parts of Europe has where someone who is really pretty has totally screwed up and ratty hair. It looks cool, I just don’t get why it’s common here. We pile in the van and are off to Nuremberg. Robin said that she has located and communicated with a Physiotherapist. I have an appointment to see this person just after sound check to try to kick this shit out of my system. She really works wonders for us. The cost is only fifteen euros and then all of the sudden; everyone wants to see the therapist. I can’t wait to get there. I’m not a fan of the venue that we play there. The last time I was there with The Locust and with Some Girls, we ended up playing this same joint. The stage is so small and rounded and neither band can really fit on it. Oh well. It could be worse and has been.

We arrive in Nuremburg with a little time to kill, which is very rare. So we instantly hit the streets to see whatever we can in about an hour. We all split off, looking at castles, searching for coffee, and other random things. We reconvened back at the club, and met up with the promoter who is such a nice guy. Both of the people who were doing our show would turn out to be more than accommodating. We loaded on and set up for sound check. This of course took hours. I was not sure what the hold up was, but I eventually had lost interest in waiting and went to the backstage area, which were three or four flights up stairs. So when it was actually time to do sound check and I was needed Mike barged in giving me ample attitude about how I’m never there when I am supposed to be, which is bullshit.

Anyhow, we do what we have to do for sound check, make way for dinner which is being served there at the venue and then I took off to sit outside of a coffee shop down the street that was closed but had wireless internet. I sat there until my computer died trying to tie up loose ends with some ad campaign stuff for Three One G, write to my mom and see how she is doing as I often worry about her when I’m away. I tackle quite a lot of mail and then by the time my computer died I headed back to the venue. The show was under way, and Aux Raus was going on.

I hung out with some of our crew talking shit and writing messages on posters for Get Hustle and Daughters who were both playing shows at the same venue soon. It was time to take the stage so we went up to change. I ended up throwing candy out of the window trying to hit people below for a while and then went downstairs to play the show. It was a lot of fun, as the crowd seemed responsive. At one point when Robin was shooting us from the side I noticed this girl shooting her, which was interesting and made a great mental visual. As the set ended we headed up the multiple flights of stairs to change. The promoter came in with vegan ice cream and jokingly said that it was a remedy for the back problems that I was having since I was not able to see a therapist during my time there before the show. I pigged out and then went down stairs to pack up. I ended up meeting this really cool girl who wanted to get a drumstick signed for her boyfriend so I arranged for that. She said that this favor was grounds for her boyfriend to marry her, and I chuckled. They were cool and had mad love for our band. The boyfriend had the biggest locust tattoo on his side that I have ever seen. It was very impressive so I hooked him up with a grip of merchandise and said that I hope we don’t suck someday or he will be screwed.

We eventually loaded up and headed over to a karaoke bar to spend our last night with Aux Raus. The bar was a bust. Right off the bat it was pretty grim and was full of skeezers, old farts, and trash. Our energy level brought the musical graveyard to life for a short time as anytime a song was over we were pounding on the tables, screaming, clapping, etc. The screwed up part was when we actually got up on stage to do a song, any of our bunch, the music was turned down and added to the awkwardness that the bar was fluent in but also heightened the annoying factor that we seemed to enjoy. We pounded our drinks and were off to some other club. On the way there I pee’d on a castle. I have to say that I have never done that before. The route to the next bar was through a poor excuse for a red light district but was interesting nonetheless. It seemed to be the black area, but either way, the women were really busted up for that line of work. I’m fascinated by it but at the same time, grossed out. Bobby and I got to talk about the politics of the industry and the specifics that pertained to the women there as we walked by which made for an interesting discussion. The bar that we were headed to had your typical bouncers greeting us at the door, and was equipped with your run of the mill fuck heads that you universally see at bars of this stature.

Some of the jams were great and had the crowd dancing and of course we were in the thick of it, ruining it for everyone but ourselves. I had taken pain meds for my back that the promoter gave me and had a couple drinks so I was not aware of my back for the evening, which was a treat. Especially when I had to hit the dance floor with Bobby and the Aux Raus guys. We tore it up a bit then headed out to the apartment to one of the promoters. I found a sleeping space and was out instantly.

Jeroen was singing some bullshit song to Gabe and I in the room we had taken over woke me. Shortly the Fat Albert theme song came into my mind from the mega mix CD number two which predominately consisted of show tunes that were annoying. However that theme song has a great bass line and if it had double bass added to it, it would be sick. Maybe even something along the lines of what The Locust might write. We all got up and ate breakfast. We had the following night off and were in no rush to get to Italy. So the agenda that we had was pretty detailed. First things first, I had to go to a pharmacy to get some meds for an ear infection that I managed to get a few days prior. The woman who helped me had the strangest hair. It was fake looking. She was young and I could see where her roots were on her forehead, but the dye job and style made it look like a wig.

She talked me into buying some sort of nasal spray saying that it would somehow clear up the ear infection. It sort of made sense and I went with it since the spray was only two euros. A far cry from what the price of anything helpful in the states would cost. I went back the place we stayed at and we went to the venue to get the promoters car. Then we split up and she took Gabe and I to see the therapist and the rest of the bunch went to do laundry. We had our appointments set and got there just in time. Gabe was first and got a general message. The physical beating that he gives to himself from playing drums to the lack of sleep to the amount of rest and comfortable van situations we put ourselves in, it made sense why he was there with me. I was next in line and discovered that the therapist could not speak English very well. So that was an interesting aspect to my session. Then throw in the fact that I could not tell if it was him or I that smelled but I did know that we were both pretty clammy which made for a disgusting situation.

See, I had not showered for a couple days, but I was not sure what his excuse was. Anyhow, he cracked a bunch of things on my back and neck and then figured out that, well, I think he figured out that somehow one of my ribs is not in line with the rest of the others and that was creating pain in my back and when I would breathe. Anyhow, I didn’t get a message for some reason, but the cracking did help. The only thing that was scary to me was when he did work on my neck; I thought for sure he was going to break it. I have had this strange clicking when I look to my right. Every single time I turn my head that way it cracks, or snaps. It’s annoying and somewhat alarming. Anyhow, that was a tad bit amplified by the time I left the session. We then met up with the rest at the Laundromat and I got my stuff together and we went back to the venue for lunch, or dinner maybe. The thing that we were supposed to be doing was going to this wedding reception that was for this punk couple in the same building as the venue we played.

Apparently the catering was all vegan and most of the guests there were heavy meat eaters. You know, sauerkraut and sausage types. Anyhow, we ate a little of the food and realized that awkward food consumption was not something that we were comfortable with so we took off and grabbed food in the city and people watched a little, pointing out the quintessential euro trash look on some of these dudes that would cruise around.

The look was doused in cologne and would not fly in the states. However it was mind blowing to see some of the crap that the people were pulling off. Maybe they were good people but the bulk of them had this demeanor to them that was all too familiar of someone that we would see in San Diego, PB bros or something. But with some fucked up Gay Euro thing going on. I purchased a postcard with a bunch of sausages on it to send to Gee Gee back home. We then all met up at the van and started our journey to Italy just as the sun set. I passed out for a good portion of the drive. We eventually arrived at the hotel in Italy in the early hours of the AM, but it was not our destination for the following show. We checked in, I showered, and then fell asleep watching some garbage about Princess Diana on CNN.

I woke up for the free breakfast at the hotel and as I assumed, it was grim. We got in the van and took off to Pinarella di Cervia, which were still a few hours away. My back was in more pain than it was before I say the therapist the day before. I don’t understand why, but I really do feel like I’m falling apart. My thumb is still bleeding from the screwdriver wound and I still have not taken care of the ear infection or the alopecia. The drive through Italy reminded me somewhat of Mexico but with bad food. Some of the landscape and the weather put that correlation in my mind. All of the stops that we made on the drive were so odd to me. There was the heavy stench of cheese, which reminded me of feet.

The places were packed and everyone was in the way. One of the more interesting things I noticed was this thing of meat. I think it was ham. It was super fatty and was in some sort of splint. So there was this thing of meat, maybe two or three pounds. Then there were these two sticks on each side, both squashing it with string binding it together and sold for some reason. To whom I have no idea. Then there is the whole no-toilet-seat-thing at every stop on the drive as well as what we would discover, the same for the venue that we would eventually get to. I mean a fucking toilet seat doesn’t cost that much, especially when the public restrooms have some shit worker sitting there expecting you to pay fifty cents to use the facilities.

So when we got to the area where the venue was supposed to be we followed signs to the area that we needed to be in. for some reason, the directions were missing and the GPS didn’t want to help us out. At some point we passed the venue, Rock Planet. I wasn’t sure why we didn’t just pull into the lot there but we drive a bit past, maybe a mile or so and decided to pull over and call the promoter, who just so happened to be at the festival that we are playing the following day. So with language barriers, we had a great time trying to sort things out and as all things on this tour go, we made it that much harder for ourselves. So after a grip of confusion, a bunch or frustration, and more wasted time, we went back to the venue and proceeded to do what we do every time we arrive.

We loaded in, set up for sound check and then everyone tried desperately to get on line with the wireless signal that was at the club, but was working at worse than dial up speed and in this day and age, was just not acceptable apparently.

We started sound check and it came to my turn to check the bass and what do you know? It didn’t work. If its not one thing, it’s another. What had somehow happened was the solder holding one of the wires to battery came loose. When I tried to open my bass up and take closer look, the ground wire separated as well. So we had to perform surgery, which added to the stress level as well as the frustration that we all generally were feeling at that point in the day. We managed to get the components back in working order but at this point my bass needs a complete over haul when I get home. We finished up with sound check and decided to head out to the hotel room that the promoter got us. I was hesitant and wanted to stay at the club and use the crummy wireless connection to try to get some work done, but opted to go with the group to hopefully get a better connection. My hesitation stemmed from the fact that the hotel probably would not have wireless since that is how it goes for me. But my hesitation would have paid off if I only knew that for the next hour and a half we would have been driving around the area looking for the hotel. So yeah, we drove around for the next hour and a half looking for the hotel. We were all frustrated and annoyed. The only thing that kept humor on board was the antics of which Jeroen pulled. His patented pulling over in the middle of the road to ask some old lady directions to some random place were in full effect. Needless to say, we eventually arrived at the hotel.

The irony really set in. twenty minutes or so after Robin went to check in, she returned with news of how the promoter changed the reservations to a different hotel and failed to let us know. So we were off again, but not looking for a hotel at this point. We scrapped that idea as we wasted the majority of the three free hours we had in the city looking for some piece of crap hotel. So we ended up in this area, which we passed by dozen or so times while looking for the hotel. There were shops, a few boats docked in the area and some sort of festivities. I was in a pretty crummy mood at this point but had to go with the flow. We managed to park in the area a while later leaving us with a whopping thirty five minutes to do something in order to get back to the venue for doors which were at eleven PM for some insane reason. We strolled around an area that smelled like fish, feet, and cologne.

It was late in the evening, almost eleven and there were tons of old people, kids, and families out, shopping and eating some of the nastiest food I had ever seen. Speaking of nasty food, I grabbed a piece of pizza since I was in Italy and I have to say, it was a bust. I split from the bunch and walked around looking at people and in some of the shops, which eventually landed me back at the van in time to get back to the venue. We took off and headed back, which of course took forever since we had no idea how to get around. I feel asleep for a few minutes, which probably made the drive seem a lot longer than it was, but we arrived just in time for doors. The show was well attended and was a surprise. Otto was back on tour with us so that was a plus to have him around. He went on and put on a great show, playing all of our favorite tracks. He did the Snorks song, the awesome “I’m too sexy for this song” cover that was altered to say, “I do a little turd on the catwalk” and a few other of his gems. Just as we were about to go on after Otto wrapped up his set, Bobby noticed that his mask’s zipper was broken.

It was perfect that something would go wrong just as its time to get on stage. He swapped his with Robin’s and we hit the stage. The sound was a bust but we made due. The crowd seemed to enjoy the set and there was a lot of good energy as well as smiles, which is probably one of the best expressions to see when playing. I suppose they are enjoying what we are doing if there is a smile. Or I suppose they could just think we are retarded and think we are lame. Either way, I don’t care, it was a good and that was what is important. Just after we were done the venue was supposed to turn into a “disco” from what we were told, but we noticed that “disco” there meant some of the worst metal core, dog shit music I have ever heard. I think only once in the hour or so that we had to endure the blasting PA which seemed to be louder than both bands, I noticed one song. It is hard to misplace the patented "Bock-Bock-Bock" one-syllable vocal stabs of Jake from Converge’s voice.

Plus Some Girls did our last tour with them so most of their new album was stuck in my subconscious. So loading up with blasting audio, strobes, and douche bags everywhere was interesting nonetheless. It was insane to look out on the dace floor and see people “dancing” to the shit that they were playing. But I mean, dancing. It just seemed so far out there, I could not grasp it. Everyone there was getting wasted on cheap drinks and seemed to be fourteen years old. Next to the venue were a go-cart track, ping-pong tournaments, and all sorts of other random things to add to the oddity of the night. However I met some guy who wanted to show me his locust tattoo. Apparently he quit his job since they would not let him have the night off just to come see the show. We pulled off at maybe three AM as Otto kept trying to score some weed or hash from any sketchy looking dude we passed and Gabe aided in the humor factor by telling the people as we passed through the crowd outside that their mom’s were worried and were looking for them. Of course the drive to the hotel was another bitch but not as bad as the search from earlier in the evening.

We checked in, with only a few hours there as our departure to the second and final Italian date was a festival and our load in was at one AM even though our set time was nine or something. Once I got into the room and was horizontal it was all over.

We departed for Milano, bad moods all around. Not much excitement in a drive to a festival with NOFX, Ignite, Sick of it All and a grip of other turds. Especially when there is such an early load in. So I sarcastically thank Tartex for making ravioli in a can that has a pull off lid at times like this. Arriving at the festival was a confusing mess. Sweaty “punkers” everywhere, bootleg t-shirt booths, and incompetent traffic control all played a part in the adventure. At some point we arrived behind the main stage, which we were not playing. Among the confusion and attempts in communicating with multiple languages it was amusing and a slight diffusion to the frustration on board our van to see the guitar player of Sick of it All lifting weights and punching the air next to their tour bus. His ripped body along with his great tan went well with his haircut, which resembled some sort of vanilla cream puff. We were then instructed to make our way in the van through the crowd to the second stage. Passing through the crowd was not only depressing, but also confusing as to why these people would be at such an event.

We pulled into the correct area finally and decompressed a little. The people who were working the festival were really nice and helpful. The stage manager even recognized me from Swing Kids, which came as a surprise. We didn’t go on stage until nine pm. So we opted to have a runner take us to the hotel. We made our way back through the crowd and to the area where the weightlifting was going on and jumped in a van that took us of to Air Hotel. Saying the name of the hotel fast was amusing “Air hole tell.”

With childish antics aside, the hotel was a great treat for us at that point. I fell asleep right away. I woke up in time for us to catch our ride back to the fest and for some crummy dinner that was being served there. The entertainment during dinner was great though. Sick of it All was hands down one of the most amusing things I had seen and heard in a long time. It would be a great disservice to silence those guys in between song rants, and then I would have no form of dinner entertainment. Just after I had finished eating I managed to catch a little bit of the guitar player aka cream puff head doing the bass player hop, goose stepping to chugga chugga, and running aimlessly around the stage.

We went back to set up the merch ourselves and avoid the staff selling our stuff to avoid the 25% fee that they charge as well as the 20% tax that they add on to the sales. Ironically enough the stage that we were playing was the myspace stage. All the shit talking I did was about to bite me in the ass at that point. But to all the message board police, I Ok’ed it with both Tom and Rupert. We are not sellouts. Or, if we were sellouts, we were a long time ago. Before we went on, Turbonegro was on the main stage. I managed to get over there for a peek. I’m not a fan of the bands tunes but I do think that they have a great shtick. The singer, with all of his gut glory hanging out was a sight to see. Topless was a great way for him to do what he does. Then throw in some American flag pattern chaps and talk about sucking dicks and self-destruction was quite entertaining. I headed back for our set and we were on.

The set was pretty accurate and the crowd seemed to enjoy it. One thing that was odd to see, was members of the audience wearing NOFX shirts but as soon as they were off to the main stage. As soon as we were done, I heard Fat Mike saying something about The Locust. I was not able to make it out, but regular Mike (Hissong) said he was talking shit. I wanted to give the fat one the benefit of the doubt. I mean they did have one of their amps covered with a pride flag, which was cool. But then again, that could be part of the ironic thing they aim for and I'll lean towards that since they had this banner that was on this massive stage above them with their logo but could easily fit on my ceiling. And my room is not big at all. Anyhow, we sat around and unloaded some more merch and eventually made our way to the hotel. We all raided the mini bars in the rooms and passed out either from exhaustion or booze.

The following day we had off. This was a great thing at this point, as it would give me a little time to let my damn thumb recover from the stab wound and so we could all chill out a little. The day consisted of a shit-ton of walking. That was sort of a drag by the end of the day, but we all needed some exercise. We managed to eat at some really good vegan joint. That hit the spot, since I could not take any more bread and spread for meals at that point. We then went to Duomo, which was this amazing cathedral. Gabe and Robin were denied entry due to the tank tops they had on. So they both made way for the H and M to shop, which was conveniently located behind the dome. Jeroen had a theory that Jesus shopped there just before his crucifixion to look as good as he could for eternity. I guess back then, the hip attire was loincloths and crowns of thorns. Inside the joint was outstanding. I have to say that it was a bit scary there. Imagery and sculptures of total brutality, slaying, and ample references to witchcraft all were on the more evil side in my opinion. It was still amazing to see what Catholics could do in the way of architecture.

Just as I was leaving, I noticed this young guy in line to get in who was a total metal head. I thought that his sleeveless denim Judas Priest jacket was an interesting item of clothing to have passed through the building but Gabe’s tank top was not acceptable. Just after that, we took a walk to yet another castle, and on the way we all grabbed some gelato. Even though I was not in Rome I figured I should do as the Italians do. Plus Jeroen was on this pizza and gelato only diet when in Italy. Mike suggested that we hit up the venue that holds the Last Supper. We cruised across the city to another place that was closed on Mondays, so we were screwed out of that one. I really wanted to see if I could spit on the food that Jesus was eating. Or at least lie and say that I did. But I could not lie about that if I didn’t even see the damn thing.

We then met up with the Italian promoter for Otto to collect his pay from the first Italian show and we were off to spend the night in Geneva at the venue we were going to be playing at the following night. The supposed three hour drive somehow managed to turn into a six or so hour drive as either our GPS screwed up or we missed a wrong turn. But we eventually arrived. I stumbled out of the van and tried to piece together some of the familiarities that I was getting from the area. It turned out that we played and stayed at the same place on September 11, 2001.

I remember us all trying to piece things together and make sense of the uncensored journalism that we all were getting a taste of over here. It really put me in a strange place for a little time, but we quickly swept away from that with Otto playing the trailer to “Castle Freak” on his laptop and of course all of the hot air being passed in the room. We tried to wake Mike to tell him about Castle Freak but he was not having it. See he has a healthy obsession with castles. Or maybe it’s just a liking of them. Nonetheless, he would not wake up. He pretty much has had it with us I think. Then Jeroen scolded us about the volume level in the room and we all shushed and I fell asleep. Ironically I was woken by Jeroen’s snoring shortly after.

I woke up and for some DSL since the wireless was not cooperating with us there. I had to tackle a ton of work and get into an e-argument with Rocky, which is always a drag. I was summoned shortly after as we were off to locate food. We found this Indian place but Bobby and I skipped out due to the price of the food. Everyone started to get a tad bit upset about things as we were half way thought tour at this point. People put on their poopy pants and we all split up. Shortly after we headed back to the venue for sound check and then waited for something to happen. Mike jokingly said he was going to quit working with us after the next tour. That was a drag to hear and I suppose that us making him wear a uniform to mix our sound didn’t help with that. But then again, we all wear them and he is, or is supposed to be part of the “team.”

We were playing with Vaz and it was a nice thing to see familiar faces, as we all know some of them from the states. Little did I know that my night was to turn into a complete drag. See, everything on the outside seemed cool. The show was going on, everyone was having a good time. But I had been in an argument with Rocky and was eagerly waiting for a reply from an email that I had sent to her earlier on in the day. There was no reply as I checked my account from time to time without seeming insane to the others. I managed to get a lot of work done while waiting and checking for that specific email that never came. The time for us to take the stage came about. Otto just finished and put on a great show and managed to take my mind off of some of the load that it was submerged in.

We blasted through the set and reached “Safety Second, Body Last.” Just before the middle part of the song where the vinyl version of side one ends, my bass stopped working, again. It seemed to be a sodder issue like the one that I had in Italy a few days prior. The only thing was, in Italy I had ample time to work on it before the show started. So we had a brief discussion on stage as Joey was running the modular on the very last part of the chunk of material that we were playing. We ended the set just after the last part and I stood there free of my bass and delivered the last few vocal lines of the piece. We apologized to the audience and left the stage. I had such a feeling of defeat and sat there, wishing that I were not at that location in time. I wanted to be somewhere else so bad. Of course I can't alter that so I went back to the stage and packed up my gear, running all the crap on my mind through it. I went to the backstage to try to check my email again and walked in on Bobby and Mike discussing how Mike wasn’t sure that he was going to work with us after the next U.S. tour and that put an even more awkward feeling in me. The end of the night dragged on and had no contact with Rocky. Just before we were about to load up for a bullshit ten plus hour drive, my buddy from Vaz who previously worked at Main Drag Music in Brooklyn and sort of turned me onto this guy who built pedals and had some knowledge on working on electronics took a look at my bass. A little attention and it seemed to be back in gear. That was a plus as I was not sure what I was going to do as it seemed that all of the tour was free of any other bass players in the opening bands for the most part to offer a back up in a situation as this night.

We loaded the gear and grabbed our personal belongings. I also grabbed a pillow from the venues band apartment to sit on for the long drive. The van is a pain in the ass and I was sure that I would be having a hard time catching any Z’s. As we were about to leave I sent a text to Rocky and we got into the issue(s) that were starting to surface. I don’t want to write about personal issues here. I’d like to just keep things on a surface level but this situation has consumed my entire evening, previous parts of my time on this tour and I’m assuming a good portion of the rest of the tour that is to come. One thing led to another and the outcome was her wanting to break up with me, once again. The ironic part was she did this same thing when I was on tour in Mexico. So I had to curve myself from calling her to discuss things as the last time I did that I was hit hard with an international phone bill. Some texting back and forth resulted in me feeling shittier and shittier just as we were to get into a packed van and drive through the night. My communication with Rocky resulted in what I feared most and in retrospect, I saw it coming from a while before somehow. My phone was about to die from the use of it on the start of the drive so I said my goodbyes and tried to fall asleep.

Of course my mind raced and the outcome was writing the remainder of this journal entry. I can’t go into depth about the issues and the feelings that I am dealing with. I’m too private and would rather not share those. But with that I would like to leave it at the fact that I have done all that I can and would continue to do so with someone whom I am in love with. I will love her forever and I'm so scared to be without her but I cant force this. I have lost the love of my life, again. This time it seems like the real deal. Its just hard, not having the ability to open up to someone else that I’m with day to day on tour and going through the motion and making the best of what I have to do here. Granted these people that I’m on tour with are some of my best friend, but I am not close to them like I am with my mom or Allysia. So I shall leave it at that and I hope that my stability is different tomorrow and that I somehow render this situation or my feelings are suppressed for the duration of the tour. I seem to doubt it as the way my life turns out over the years. I really wish Gee Gee were here. That little lady makes everything better no matter what. Goodnight.

I woke up in every so often on the drive to Vienna. I had the most horrific things running thought my head and I could not relax. I suppose it was anxiety and stress. Not my cup of tea, i.e. alopecia. But I just needed to get to where we were going and try to crash. Being heartbroken on tour is complete bullshit. Especially so far removed in another country on the other side of the planet. Jeroen pulled over as the sun was coming up but not showing through the clouds and rain. He needed someone to drive and it looked like that candidate was me. I didn’t mind, as I could not sleep anyhow and driving would have meant time to think I suppose. As soon as we started driving Jeroen passed out and drooled down the seatbelt and onto his jacket for about twenty minutes.

Then soon after, woke up and started talking to me about Chain of Strength, Independent film makers and other random things. I drove for a few hours and then pulled over to give the throne back to the man. I was going to try to write a letter to Rocky so I could email it when I got to where were going and try to sleep this mess off. I noticed an old looking world as I passed through the countryside. Everything was so foreign to me, literally. I’m in the middle of tour and going through a breakup. But it’s more than just that. Rocky is the love of my life. She was my lover, a best friend, and such a huge part of my life for so long. I feel strange writing about this and was asked per Rocky’s request to not make the situation public for whatever reason. I don’t open up to people and its takes a toll on me. I sat in a hotel room in Vienna. It was pouring rain and I’m miserable on many levels. I have a hole in my shoe and my right foot is soaked.

My eyes burn from not sleeping last night and then crying on the phone to Allysia. Last night Rocky ended a relationship with me via text message and then today more in depth via email. We have had our ups and downs as most relationships do. But to me, over all, she took my heart. I could not stop it. And honestly I didn’t want to. I had been destroyed emotionally and I can’t figure out how to cope. I’m not even sure how to articulate my words and explain myself. I needed to talk to someone and Allysia was really there for me. I was grateful to talk to her. But it still didn’t change how I felt. The person whom I wanted to talk to and to have make things better was not there for me anymore. It’s hard to be so far removed from stable life and go though this.

We had gone to the venue, loaded in and tried to make sense of the stage set up, as there were three levels that consisted of the stage and not all four of us could fit on one. I was not able to function and headed back to the hotel to try to dry my shoes and to try to call Allysia again with the calling card that I purchased. Eventually I had to leave the hotel room and walk back to the venue but Gee, the promoter was cool and picked us up. Just before we left the hotel Gabe came into my room. Allysia had called him and asked for him to talk to me and see if I was doing all right. That was so sweet of both of them and it was nice to talk to Gabe about it. Him and I have similar issues and have gone through similar hardships. Even though him and I have such different personalities we both work well together. I cant say how much I appreciate people who are there for me, unconditionally. When I got back to the venue, it was packed and full of second hand smoke. I feared with the stress that I was going through coupled up with the smoke that I’m allergic to and the wet foot that I would get ill.

Gabe and Otto were doing a set together. It was improvised but they pulled it off pretty well. Otto did a few of his own but the duo did cover some great tunes such as the Family Ties theme song, the Facts of Life theme that was changed to “Fags of Life” and my favorite part of the set, the Three’s Company theme. The crowd loved the performance and it put the first smile on my face in the last twenty-four hours. We took the stage just after and after three songs my bass broke, again. I was so devastated. Its been so messed up and I was out of ideas as to how to fix it. Our friends With Love from Italy opened the show and it was a relief to know that there was actually another bass at the show for me to borrow in case this happened.

I had missed their set since I was at the hotel and ironically their bass broke in their set as well. So I briefly started to freak out as I announced on the mike sort of directed to the promoter or house sound engineer that I be in need of a bass. Some guy who appeared to be a joker in the audience popped up and said “I have a bass, let me go get it.” He showed two fingers and said “two minutes” and then held up one finger and said “No, one minute” and took off out the door of the venue.

He turned up with this busted up bass, missing knobs, beat up body, and loaded with flaws. But I had to do what I had to do and I managed to get through the set with the others, which turned out ok for us all. Especially since Joey, Bobby, and I were all about five feet above and behind Gabe on the “stage”. The set up was insane. Gabe could not see any of us and in order for him to stage a song one of us had to signal him in an inconspicuous way. So between every break, Gabe would slightly turn and one of us would grunt or scratch a string with a pick to signal the go ahead for the next chunk of material. The crowd seemed to enjoy the show and the turn out was ok for all the bad and strange shit that was thrown our way.

The entire time I was playing Rocky popped in my mind. I was loosing concentration and feared that I'd screw up some of the material. But at this point on tour, it was all textbook really. I managed to take my mind elsewhere and still pull of a flawless set with the minor exceptions of the bass I was playing not having the same amount of frets, high action, busted up volume pot, and so on. We ended the set and as I changed I realized that the second hand smoke had taken over all of my clothing as well as the two jackets that I was wearing to stay warm and dry. The thick air was setting in on everything. I just wanted to get back to the hotel to shower and get rid of the potential cause of chronic bronchitis. It took forever to load and the rain was not helping.

Bobby and Otto both sensed that I was upset and made an attempt to talk to me. I really appreciated that. Otto was hilarious. See only a few days prior to this; his girlfriend broke up with him as well. The gist of the situation that I caught from him was a ninety-dollar phone bill and a text message from his ex that he shared with me that read something along the lines of “I hope you fucking die.” So his take on what I was going through was amusing and at the same time, sweet in some sick way. We eventually got back to the hotel and I realized that I fell asleep on the short, maybe five-minute drive there. I grabbed my dead bass, and backpack and ran through the rain to the hotel. I was soaked and irritated. I got upstairs, showered read some emails from friends and ended up talking to Robin about how people are treated and taken for granted. It was a good conversation and also helped me put things into perspective. I fell asleep as the sun was coming up and the rain was hitting the window of the room I was sleeping in.

I woke up with anxiety and stress. I got some shitty emails and was not the way that I'd preferred to start the day. We were rushed and I had to make way to a repair shop for my bass before the drive to Hungary. As I scrambled to get ready I realized that my mom had called me early in the AM to see how I was doing as well. I was not able to talk to her as I was in the weirdest state of sleep and could not wake up enough to function. But it was a nice thing to remember as I grabbed my bass and luggage and went to catch a cab across town. I arrived at this strange complex, which has many stores that were all based around aspects of music. I was drawn to the obvious door that had a sign above it, which read “The Party Starts Here.”

I have no idea what that has to do with the place as there was no party. Just gear and people working. But I left the bass with them after a brief description of the issues I was having and went to get some tea and try to warm up. For some reason the guy at the counter would not let me talk to the technician working on the gear, which made me a bit more concerned. But I came back to the compound and talked to another person in another shop, got the parts that I needed to replace, which was everything, pick up, pots, wiring, and paid a hefty fee to get the bass back shortly after. Then we were off, late as per usual. Everyone was stressed and irritated. We grabbed some crummy food and left town. My mind and feelings were still wrapped up in the situation with Rocky as I tried to catch some sleep on the drive out. I thought about this saying that I agree with as I started to close my eyes, love is like setting yourself on fire and hoping you don’t get burned.

We arrived in Budapest only two hours late. So we seemed to be right on track. The city seems to me like some sort of bohemian New York. I like it here, but again, at this point in tour, I’d much rather be at home. People can’t understand why I feel that way and say how lucky I am to do what I do. But most seem to not realize the amount of work that goes into tour, and the aspects that are not romantic from the outside. What I was going to see of Budapest was only out of the window on the way to the venue and then I got to see plenty of the actual venue. Not much to write home about in the way of seeing things and traveling. To our surprise, the catering at the venue was superior to what we were expecting and what we would usually get on tour. After a long set up for sound check and me testing out my bass after getting gutted and reborn, we all went up to eat. Gabe was off to do some interview for Hungarian Head Bangers Ball and from what he said turned out to be a bust.

The show was on its way and I sat outside of the venue to catch the wireless signal to try to write some email. Still not feeling very well, from a combination of stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and heartbreak, I noticed that Otto has gone on so that meant that we were soon to follow. There was an opening band, which I missed. But for Otto’s set he used the drummer for his material. It was the best set that I had seen by Otto so far. He was on it and the crowd loved every second of It. he did encore after encore and finally pulled it to a halt.

Just as we were about to go on, I ran into the singer of Mayhem/ Sunn O. I was recently impressed by Mayhem’s set that I caught on my birthday so it drew me into conversation with the guy. He seemed nice and we talked about tour and the idea of touring together came up. That would be something that I would love to do. As I went on stage to set up the last few things that I needed to play I was thinking about how The Locust has toured with bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and then if we toured with Mayhem, it would be pretty impressive that we created a band that could pull something like that off. As the set started, I was impressed with my bass and how the sound was. The make over was needed apparently. There was high energy for the entire set but the energy was also drunken and irritating. There was a crew of jagoffs in the front who started off right away by grabbing Robin’s boobs as she walked by them in her uniform. Then one would continuously hit Gabe’s cymbal over and over since the drum kit was so close to the front of the stage. I spat on him a few times but he was too wasted to even notice. Gabe yelled at him to knock it off in between songs at one point and just after he said that during the next song, he pulled that shit again. As the guy’s hand hit the cymbal and landed on the monitor just in front of me, my foot came down on his hand smashing it and making him take a step back and realize that we were serious.

Seconds later, he was back in full effect. His comrade had grabbed a broken drumstick and was hitting the front of the kick drum. Gabe then let that guy have it as well, and still managed to keep time, lashing out in one of the quick stops in “Safety Second, Body Last.” The set finally ended. Over all it was a good show. Super energetic and people seemed to enjoy it but man; the amount of booze that was in the audience with the amount of stupid antics really put things into a different light. Of course the load out was long. I started talking to the Mayhem guy a little and learned a little about some dude in the band, Hell Hammer and how Burzum killed some one in Mayhem. It was a bit confusing and Otto even seemed to think that the guy had no idea what he was talking about. Nonetheless, it was interesting to hear about that stuff. We departed from the venue to the hostel that the promoter set up for us. The drunken drummer that Otto used was with us as was the singer for Mayhem.

Just as we arrived at the destination we noticed Robin being a bit uncomfortable and had an amusing request for us to cock block for her. See, Mayhem guy came along to see what was up with Robin as he was lurking on her all night. It seemed harmless and we sort of chuckled and blew off the request. I told Robin that he had a chomp. One of the most evil haircuts, so I know it was hard for her to resist his passes made at her. I assumed that if he were wearing his metal attire, a cloak or a mummy outfit, then she would hit that shit. My amusing comment to her was a great segue way to what we were about to see. The hostel that was arranged for us to stay in might have been the most busted up dump that I had ever stayed in. I mean I have toured so much over the last 17 years, and probably forgot about a few bad times. But this was fucked. The jokes of catching an STD, scabies, or whatever else, were being thrown around, as we were all a bit irritated. I grabbed two sets of sheets to lie down and tried to just not think about it and fall asleep. I was so exhausted, that it was a success. I was glad that I had my Temperpedic travel pillow with me and glad that I had semi clean clothes on, as I feel asleep in what I was wearing.

I woke up the following morning congested with some nasty blanket on me. I wasn’t sure how that happened but I freaked out and got up right away. Otto lucked out and stayed with some girl that he knew there. We all busted his balls on a few levels, for avoiding the death trap and by throwing out immature comments about him staying with his lady friend. We headed back to the venue for breakfast. The bar served food and we figured that if it was anything like the previous nights dinner, then we would be safe. Not the case though. It was a bust. Bread, ketchup, bean sprouts, I passed on eating just after a few bites of the joke meal. I sat there and waiting for us to leave as my mind left. I can't ditch this sick feeling that I have had since Rocky broke up with me. I wish that things were different. I miss her so much. Something caught my attention and brought me back.

Even though I could not shake my constant thoughts of Rocky, I sucked it up as I always do and we got in the van for the drive to Linz. My lack of sleep per night is adding up and it’s getting the best of me. I slept for the most of the drive and woke up here and there. When we got into the city I woke for the last time. We drove straight to the venue and didn’t see a single part of the city, only a little stretch of storefronts and some houses. The venue resembled a squat, but was not so bad. The people there were really accommodating as well. That was a plus and after the previous night, we had our standards lowered quite a bit. The venue was also where we would be sleeping. The venue was on the first floor thankfully. We were staying on the third so we headed up there as they were preparing food for us. It smelled great and we couldn’t wait to eat. However, first things first, some of us jumped on the Internet to do whatever it is that we need to do. I sifted through mail, and took care of some essentials. I got a great email from my buddy Nathan, who was in Some Girls. He had been reading this journal and it hit home for him as we had toured together and well, have gone though the same shit at different points. It was so good to hear from him and made me miss him a lot. His words gave me a lot of emotional strength as I wrapped up my time communicating with people other than the seven that I have been with for so long here. We set up on stage and did a sound check. I was placed directly behind Gabe for the lack of space on the small stage. I actually like it there as I get ample queues. Not on only sonically, but visually. Later on in the night, I’d appreciate that spot on stage even more, as the venue would get packed with drunks and fuck heads.

We went up and ate some great food, which got us back in gear for the night and soon after Otto took the stage. Gabe played with him again and the crowd went off. They did a great set but the amount of booze that the audience had consumed was helping them loosen up. This meant that The Locust was in for it. More booze was consumed by the time we took the stage and it was going to be rough. Joey had to clean the floor of glass and beer before we even started. But we hit them hard, song after song. The crowd got violent at a few points as the booze started seeping out of pores. At points, I noticed moisture that was not supposed to be apparent such as on my fret board, on bobby’s pedal board, and on some of the drums as open beverages were tossed in the air in a drunken ritual of “dance”. The air was so thick and oxygen was sucked up fast. We skipped a couple songs and at that point the audience had no idea what the total duration of the set time was. We ended and everyone took off to the backstage area to change but I stayed back to pack up some of my gear in fear that something might get damaged or go missing.

I then went up stairs after, changed, and went back down to relieve Robin from merch duties and let her take her uniform off. As I sat there waiting for the crowd to thin out, it was one asshole after another. Some girl walked by with an empty bottle, set it on the table directly on an LP and walked off. Some other fuck head stole some of Jeroen’s CDs and Otto caught him outside. But among the assholes, were good people as well. It’s just that the bad apples stick out a bit more. We finished packing up and I headed up stairs to shower and to get some sleep. I got a text from Rocky on my phone, which surprised me so much. When I saw that she had written my heart dropped. I was so scared, and excited at the same time. It put me in a mood and as I tried to not be around others I managed to get some time alone and then eventually fell asleep still confused about things that were happening in my life.

In the morning, which was only a few hours later from when we fell asleep, we loaded the gear first thing. I have to say that waking after only a couple hours sleep, to load, is a drag. Then factor in the smell of the venue. That familiar cigarette, beer, piss soaked smell was in the air. Broken bottles everywhere as we lugged the gear out of the venue into the misty morning. We had good timing as the rain let up for our load. As we pulled away from the venue I realized that I didn’t see a single thing in that city. Not a spec of what its like there.

We were off to another festival. I sat there on the drive, still not able to share the mood that I was in and I got the feeling that the anxiety, sadness, and emotional baggage that I had was going to get the best of me. My physical wellbeing was being taxed as I sank into the seat in the front of the van that seems to have a bit more space and a little more privacy and fell asleep. We hit a ton of traffic and I would wake up periodically, wishing I were still asleep. I’m now trying to avoid getting inside of my head and things are getting a bit harder for me. We arrived at the venue that we were playing. It’s supposed to be some sort of festival even though there are only five bands. We have played plenty of shows that had more bands on the bill and were not considered fests. Anyhow, we were there to do what we needed to do. We load in and sound check. There was an option of heading to the hotel for a few hours to try to catch some sleep and shower so I opted for that, as I was not interesting in sitting around people and especially since I am so drained. I wanted to stay to see With Love’s set as they were on the bill and their sound check was great but I didn’t have it in me. I arrived at the hotel with only part of our crew. So I ended up in a room by myself. It was awkward and hard for me to be alone at that point.

I tried to use the phone card that I had left over for use in Austria to call Allysia but there was no answer. I wish she answered and really wanted to talk to someone that I felt comfortable talking to. I wanted to leave the hotel but I was stuck there till ten when the rest of us were going to head back. I have to say that I felt pretty pathetic at this point. I lay there on the bed in a dark and cold hotel room located in a small town by myself. All of my clothes were on and my feet were hurting from the temperature in the room. This was the last place that I wanted to be but I could do nothing about it. I kept checking my phone to see what time it was and if I might have missed a message. Anything to get my mind off of what I was submerged in. My heart was hurting more than It had ever hurt. At times it felt like it was burning, and scared me. I tried to watch TV till I was supposed to leave and just bummed me out more, as I could not understand anything that was on. I caught a bit of some live Nirvana on MTV, which was cool to see.

Any sort of culture that I could grasp onto being that I was just in numerous different countries each night for a while there was what I needed at that point. It was sad though, as the songs lyrics seemed ironically appropriate to how I was feeling at that very moment. Eventually the time to go back to the venue rolled around and we split. I was relieved to be back there, as there were plenty of distractions. I had missed With Love’s set, which bummed me out. But I was able to hang out with those guys a bit. Nico gave me a book that he put out, which was impressive. It was a collaboration of things that pertained to his life, as an artist. We were up next so we suited up and took the stage. I was completely surprised when we started as the venue was thinning out for the previous band. But once we got up there it filled up and then as soon as we started the crowd went crazy. There were a group of cats with cardboard wings and gas masks on going ape shit up front. The energy level was high and really panned out to be a great show. The sound was a little off on stage but we pulled off a great set, with little to no flaws. I have to say that the amount of booze consumed by the audience from the last few nights has been pretty interesting nonetheless.

The fest was loosely geared towards skateboarding culture so there was a strange mix of people there. And well, there was an odd level of testosterone, but at the same time a good artist community presence as well. Just before we started I looked over to the area where the bar was and could see all these drunks in a strange ritual of self-entertainment, thinking that there was no need for music at that point. They were hanging onto this wall and trying to throw each other off, as they were all screaming and throwing drinks on each other. There was booze everywhere, drunks slurring in multiple languages, and I was in the thick of it, trying to make sense of what I was doing there. I met an artist whom was selling prints of his work there. He was French I believe. His dialogue with me was so insane. I was trying to tell him that I like his work a lot. He did a poster for a show in Belgium on the last tour we did in Europe.

Every sentence had a “Ziiiit” or a “Click” in place of certain words with this strange drunken mannerism in an attempt to communicate with me in English. I was really confused by the conversation but at the same time, completely amused. The guy looked like some white hip-hop dude, and said that he hated hardcore which was appealing to me. However he was trying to follow up with telling me how he loved The Locust. He was a genuine freak and it made sense to me that we dug each other’s art. He hooked me up with two great prints that I was eyeing, one was of these nuns, which was totally creepy and will end up framed in my house for sure. The funny part of him giving me the prints was just as he handed them to me he pored booze all over them. We said our goodbyes to the band friends, promoters, booking agents, and made our way back to the hotel. I didn’t get much sleep that night and it was restless but I figured I would catch up on the drive that we had the following day.

We were back to Germany once more. I remember the club that we were playing from the last Some Girls tour. It was ok, but I was looking forward to what was after the one last German show. We were about to get into areas that were a bit more appealing to me and also it was the last stretch of the tour, which was a relief. I was off to sleep for yet another shitty drive. We arrived at the bread and spread. Same shit for the most part. Loaded in and I jumped on my computer to see if I had any sort of communication that would need attention. Sure enough Allysia sent me an email stressing out about our pup. Apparently she had been peeing blood and since it was Saturday night in San Diego, Allysia took her to the pet hospital. Of course the bill was something that neither of us were prepared to cover. But it had to be done. I lost my cool and called Allysia and woke her up, as it was seven in the morning there.

Gee was on meds at that point and as I spoke to Allysia, Gee was passed out in the bed and apparently feeling a bit better. The test results wont be in for another few days. More than anything, I hate being away from home when stuff like this happens. Not only do I worry about Gee but I also worry about Allysia taking care of all that she has to by herself. Just before I hung up with her, I said that she should call my mom if needed. My mom is like a mother to Allysia as well, and she will do anything that is needed. Onto sound check and the same old shit.

I have decided to end this journal. Things in my life have taken a turn that I’m not comfortable dealing with in the form of this piece. I have little energy, or mental capacity to share or document my thoughts and feelings. At this point, it seems that I’m going through the motions, just to get through the tour, as I cant leave. I enjoy what I do, but at times like this, I have been taxed both physically and mentally. Goodbye.

JP

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