He is a bit older than us Locusts. I never ended up talking or seeing Ferdie but I hear that he was pretty bad off. The kicker was that he had no insurance and was hospitalized for a chunk of time and they had to cancel the rest of the tour. Of course we agreed to play the benefit when we were asked and we were more than willing to help him out. I mean I’d hope that someone would do the same for me if I were in a situation such as this one. But the ironic part is, all of us Locusts are also without medical insurance. I can’t speak for the others but I know that I’m kind of screwed.

I suppose a minor medical aspect that I have to deal with is this thing called Alopecia. What happens from this autoimmune disease is that I will or could lose all of my body hair. It starts with one spot, usually on my head and then more will pop up and eventually I could loose all my body hair. I’m talking everything even my eyelashes. I had this problem a few years ago and sucked it up, went to a doctor who gave me these shots in my head where the spot was and in a few months my hair grew back.

It’s funny; when I told my Mother over the phone about the spot she brushed it off as male pattern baldness. But when she saw this spot on the back of my head by my ear that was completely bald and the size of a silver dollar, she got a bit concerned, as any mother should. So the second episode, the one that I’m currently dealing with, has landed me with two substantial spots on my head and two smaller ones on my face. So I sucked it up again, went to see a doctor, spent a shit ton of money getting shots and creams to try to stop the disease and wished that the entire time I was at the hospital, that I had put on a benefit for me. I’m grateful that I’m not in pain like Ferdie was, but it sure is a drag to have issues and no way to pay for them.

The amusing part about me visiting a doctor was something as simple as the parking situation at the hospital. See there are two hospitals next to each other. I had no idea and just pulled into the obvious lot, got treated, and returned to my vehicle a few hours later. I had my parking ticket validated but was told as I was in line to check out of the lot that I had been to the wrong doctor. Seems like a simple mistake, two hospitals next to each other. However, I was to pay $6 for my time there no matter what. The problem was I spent every dollar I had on the visit and treatment to the neighboring doctor. Well the parking attendant starts getting aggravated with me, asking for the money, pointing to the sign that clearly states cash and check only. I sit there in my car explaining that it’s the year 2007, nobody carries a checkbook around and I spent all the cash I had. I had money in my account and asked to use my debit card. People are honking behind me and yelling shit but I couldn’t move. There is a mechanical arm that rises after you pay the parking fee that allows one’s car to exit. The attendant calls her manager who is this old dude in a golf cart. He pulls up already all hotheaded saying that he is going to call the police and that I needed to wait there. As the one guy is calling the police and the attendant is writing down my license plate number, I actually raised the arm in front of my car that allows cars to exit after they pay, and proceed to pull off. Still waiting for the police to get in touch about that one I find myself a couple of days after this incident on my way to Los Angeles to play a benefit for my pal who has a substantial medical bill.

The show had an average line up and then there with two secret headliners. Que was billed to open the show - then The Bronx - then The Locust. The two secret bands were not publicly announced for some odd reason. But as the night progressed The Locust found ourselves playing after the other billed bands as well as The Melvins and Circle Jerks. First off this is an odd thing to do. Playing after two legends does not seem right to me, benefit or no benefit. Anyhow, we get to the venue, I get yelled at immediately about where the van is parked and have to reverse and maneuver out of an area that I had just been directed to park in. See, the others [band members] cant work the van like I do for some reason, so no matter how crummy of a driving parking situation any of our crew gets the van into, its my job to fix it. We eventually make our way into the venue, and start doing a sound check. All seems to go well. The sound is great, some old friends are there, and everyone is in good spirits. But as the evening goes on, I have to deal with one thing after another.

I made my way to the bus depot in downtown L.A. to get my girlfriend, Rocky. She had just finished a tour that she was working as a tour manager and made her way to the show to see The Melvins as they are one of her favorite bands. I borrowed a car and got a little lost and a little agitated but eventually make it just after Rocky freaked out on the phone about directions. We make our way back to the venue and it’s a night of drunken assholes in the backstage area, some we know and some we don’t know. There are the usual drunks; Allysia, Scott Blows, and whoever else. A combination of the sneak line up changes with the secret headliners and us made for an odd feeling. Then to top it off, by the time we got on stage, we had the typical heckling and bullshit one-liners thrown at us. “It’s a benefit show, play a Struggle song”.

See? There is a reason that we don’t talk anymore, its old, really old. I stand there during breaks in the set when I can actually make out what some fuck head is yelling at us and think about what I was doing 15 or 16 years ago, when I was in Struggle. Then I think of where the comment came from and what that person was doing at that age and just chuckle a little and move on with the set. It was tight that night, especially tight. We had just gotten back from a tour in Mexico and a few one off’s in Southern. The night ended. Gave away free merch to the people who expect it, loaded the gear, got yelled at about the van’s location, and grabbed Allysia from the floor as she was rolling around making fun of Scott for trying to get in her pants as per usual. (Well from what she says.)

We make our way back to good ol’ San Diego and turn in for the night. Or what is left of it.

On our way to Euroland…I have managed to loose my mind trying to tie up all the loose ends before leaving for six weeks. Ordering merch, fixing broken gear, buying strings, selling clothes and records to get some extra money to take with me on tour, and then managing to try to do what I’d like such as see my mom, spend time with Rocky, take Gee Gee my pup out to the park, and maybe find a second here or there to relax. My alarm goes off at 4:30 am and I freak out, not knowing what is going on. I get up, we load a bunch of crap into the van and get to the airport minutes later. We have way too much luggage and its all way too heavy. So there we are, all sorts of cases open, switching items to try to even things out for the airline to actually take the stuff. Eventually we pull it off and we board for Finland, a place that I have never been before. I hope it’s a good one. We shall see.

Helsinki, Finland. I have never been there before. From the little that I saw of it, I liked it. We flew from San Diego, to Newark, to Amsterdam, then to Helsinki. Quite a trek I must say. Once we landed, Bobby, Robin, and I met up with the other half of our crew who had already made their way to Helsinki a day before. We went straight to the venue from the airport. From what I saw, the city appeared to be really nice. Of course they seem to have that gene pool thing there, people seem to be a hell of a lot more attractive than in the states. But on top of that, everyone seemed to be into metal or punk. Even in the airport, one of the shops that I passed sold metal t-shirts. But it was odd to see people with Burzum shirts every couple blocks. The people at the venue, as well as the crown seemed to be really nice and personable. It was a nice start especially since Joey was having equipment problems and was a bit stressed. I was pretty jet lagged and a bit delusional. I crashed at the hotel for an hour or so just before we had to play. I had no way to tell what time it was so I scrambled back to the venue at 9 pm or so, as it was still dark outside. When I got back, I ended up getting roped into doing an interview. It was actually one of the better ones that I have done. The guy who interviewed me was doing it for a radio show. His questions were well thought out and seemed to have a good direction away from the typical “who are your influences” and “why do you wear costumes?”

So that was nice. The interview was stopped due to me having to get back to the show and play, so I made my way back and started to change into my UNIFORM. I was so amused by the fact that we had made uniforms for Mike, our sound guy and robin, our tour manager/ merch person. Mike’s uniform had slight alterations such as holes for his ears since he claims that he needed to have them open to make sure that he can hear accurately. That seems to be a pretty impressive request but I’m not sure that it would make a noticeable difference. Anyhow, it was amusing to see him wearing that thing and his ears sticking out of the mask. My only disappointment was that you could not see Mike’s newly grown Tom Selleck mustache. Robin looked pretty much like the rest of us, only with the noticeable differences in her anatomy. We hit the stage and I have to say, it was a bit difficult. I was so exhausted from traveling. But we pulled it off with minor issues, mostly from equipment related stuff. Once during the set Robin had made her way onto the stage to shoot a couple pictures and I noticed people in front tripping out on the fact that there was another “Locust” on stage looming in the back behind our gear. I suppose it was different from earlier when people were hitting Mike up for photos thinking he was in the band as he was out in the crowd on his way to the sound booth. Nonetheless, it’s amusing to us to torture them by having them wear uniforms. Oh, I forgot to mention, Mike has a cape, a small stupid looking one, but stupid in a good way.

After the show it was pouring rain. Complete opposite weather from when we had arrived. We made our way to the hotel and I went straight to sleep as the rest went out to a bar. The following morning we made our way to a health food store, got stuff for the boat ride to Sweden and walked around the city center for about an hour. Our short time in Finland had come to an end as we got to the boat and boarded. This boat was supposed to be like the boat that I had taken last time I was in Europe with Some Girls. It was called “The Party Boat” or as the locals from the opening band in Helsinki called it, “The Fuck Boat.” I think the previous time I was on a boat of that stature, it lived up to the expectations that were placed on it. But a lot of the reason for that was due to us being with the band Veins of Jenna and the fact that we had people like Nathan and Chuck from Some Girls instigating most of the drunken antics like breaking into other cabins, puking everywhere, and so on. This time, Jeroen best described the boat that we boarded as the “BS Boat” as we watched the pasty crown dance to American classics on the dance floor. Which was fine by me, as I passed out right away, not knowing what time it was or where we were on the journey being in the cabin with no natural outside light. Sixteen hours later we departed and were off to Stockholm.
JP